HSG test

Written on: Aug 10, 2011

Man, today was a very hard day.
When we went to see Dr. Anderson last time we wanted to schedule the IUI as soon as possible. I first had to finish a few test.
Lab work here
Sperm  there
and HSG test.
Then I thought we would move on to IUI and everything would be just fine.
I had no worries about the test.
I talked to a dear friend of mine more about it and she told me not to worry, that it would just stress me out more (so glad I listened to her).
I made sure Joe got me there in plenty time. I was just anxious to get this over with. When they called my name I went in the back, they told me where to undress and what to put on. I walked into a big room after and it had 1 bed in the middle of this big room. A few machines were around that looked so expensive I couldn't imagine the millions of dollars it cost. As I laid on the bed, I noticed the ceiling had two missing lights and they were replaced with a beautiful palm tree with blue blue skies.
I thought perfect, I will just imagine Joe and I on a beach and enjoying a vacation. The nursed explained everything to me, then a hospital dr came in and did the same thing in more detail. (by this time I was getting a bit cold and ready to get this over with)
Just like a pap, just like a pap....I kept telling myself that.
Then things got uncomfortable then I thought I have to convince myself that this is all for my babies...think about how bad I want a family and to be a mom and make Joe so proud. This will all pay off because it is getting me the help I need.
I then remembered my friend telling me "it's quick, no time at all"
this wasn't going so quick. I just tried to keep my mind focus and do anything the dr needed me to.
After 20mins or so I could hear him mumble under his breath "so this could be the problem"
I knew right then, I have my answer I have been waiting for.
and now, I don't want it.
The dr took everything out and explained he could not do the procedure. I had some sort of blockage. I remember feeling shocked. I asked him if he would try some more. I just wanted this to work so bad. He kindly explained to me that is what he has been doing and nothing is working. He then told me this is what he does everyday, he would then make notes and send the images to my specialist. Then he walked out of the room and the nurse helped me to the bathroom to change.
I took my time and cried.
I changed and she insisted walking me back to the waiting room to meet with Joe. The room was packed by now and he was reading his book. I tapped him on the shoulder then booked it out the door. Just a few steps outside the hospital I started bawling. Trying to just tell Joe what happened to me. It's my fault....we have our answer...our plan isn't going to work anymore and we need a back up.
I spent the rest of the afternoon in bed, googling, crying, sleeping and frustrated.
my eyes are spent and my head is lacking air.
This hasn't been a good day at all.